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Every week in, week out, I find myself once again opening up my heart to another person who I think I can trust, someone I can care for, someone I can listen to and be able to talk to as well. And at the end of every week, something happens.

The something that happens is I scare them away. Or at least that's what I think it is, I seem to have a knack of self sabotage. It's a number of things probably. I just seem to have this skill of cocking up a perfectly good situation, and then expecting to find out some horrible thing which caused it not involving me! But every end of the week, it is me who messes it up.

I'd never say it's entirely my fault, I'd never say that the way I act or speak has anything to do with it, I mean I'm not terrible in bed, I don't hit women or for that matter hit on women, I act polite, not gentlemanlike, subtle, not blunt, but still, it's not enough I reckon.

Some people I know are just too messed up or consider themselves to be in the midst of a situation with an ex where they've corrupted their minds so much they can't accept there's a decent bloke out there, who is fluent in the language called English, and actually not too weird. They want change, but are afraid to accept it, so therefore stick to the same old 'bad boy' formula, trying to change them but inevitably failing.

I happen to be honest about it, I know at times it's hard for the right words to come out, but the gestures I make are nice, they're not dickheaded like some. Some would say this is just a rant or a whine at his pathetic attempts of love in life, but no, it's actually a self evaluative outlook on things.

When looking back at my relationships, I've noticed one pattern. No matter what, I love to see people with bleeding hearts, with hearts of hurt and emotion, because I've always been and will always try to be a sympathetic and emotive man. I don't give a damn if that in your opinion's pathetic, but still I respect your opinion.

No, I'm sure that near everyone I've shown a glimpse of emotion I've connected with because they too suffer the situations. I was in love, once, but that was a hell of a long time ago. Now, I've matured enough to see that the word is irrelevant at 19. What would be nice though, is if people were less worried about showing emotion.

Any, just show me something. Happiness, depression (but not too much, ok?) anxiety, joy, euphoria, pain, guilt, lust, anything. Along the way, I'll also try to too. But please, just consider this. It's not the wisest of ideas of playing around with heads and hearts, mine included. I promise I'll try not to do the same.